I Judge Myself No More


 

My time of worship and prayer brought a deep awareness of how often I judge myself. God begin to make known to me that it is not possible to judge what I did not make, create or even understand. We fail miserably when we think we are capable to passing a verdict on ourselves and especially when we open ourselves up to others judgment.

It is the deceptive grip of pride that leads us down this impossible route. Only Christ can stop this train wreck and deliver us from doubt that inevitably leads us to the detrimental consequences of judgment.  As I further contemplated this truth, these words that express my heart – came forth.


 

 

I judge myself as if I know

The fabric of my creation

The logic of my mind

The depths of my heart

The intent of my soul

 

In arrogance I prance

In stupidity I dance

On floors of fragmented glass

Jagged marble toilets

Forbade sought out comforts

Not to be had

 

I judge myself as if I care

Dodging the arrows of blame

Quenching the fiery flames

With exclusive excuses

Passive conjectures of reason

Trying to hide my pain

 

I judge myself as if I see

Self educed imagination

Pictures of stagnation

Movies on the screen of my brain

Produced by fear

Edited by rejection

Music by neglect

A victim of myself more than others

Me and I – a reject

Others I elect

To tell me who I am

 

I judge myself as I feel

Like I can know what’s true

Through touching and seeing

Even why – through hurt – my hearts bleeding

Ridiculous rationale

I’m a fools fool thinking others can’t tell

 

I feel as if it matters

Lacks power

No unction

A putrid fabrication of pride

That doeth ride me silly

Cascades of folly

Minuscule it makes me

Deceived deeply

Drinking in vanity

… on Ice

 

The Judge has arrived

Sits high upon His bench

My sin – a stench

I’m trapped with this guilt

Judged to the hilt

Grappling for hope

 

Tension rising

Judge is standing

Condemning coming

Escape Improbable

Forgiveness impossible

 

A Whisper in my heart I do hear

An Advocate next to me – did appear

Redemption offered

Remove my guilt

Erase the shame

Make things new

Remove the blame

 

I ask the price

With eyes a blazed He shows it all

The death of Him upon the cross

Looks at me and says, “It’s paid in full”

“Follow me… and be free”

 

With weary soul

I shudder

I loose my composure

Collapse a level lower

His hand grabs my shoulders

I with remaining strength…. repent

 

Judge brings gavel down

Case dismissed is hurled aloud

Joy runs throughout the crowd of angelic host

Not seen by eye

I judge myself no more

For for me to live is Christ

I was judged dead

But Christ has made me alive

 

I judge myself no more

I have been restored

I am free

I judge myself no more

Author: William

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